You're a womanizer and a bitch.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
