All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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