the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
