I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
