Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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