So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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