Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
