when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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