DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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