Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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