i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
