oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize