um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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