yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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