so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
