Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
