He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Randomize