ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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