at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
