He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize