Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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