Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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