i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
