planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
