Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
