Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
