I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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