At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
