Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
