I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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