I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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