remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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