I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
