Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
