What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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