double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
