I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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