dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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