Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dick very happy bro
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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