i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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