Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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