return my video game
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
