I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
