My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
