I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
