What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
