Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He kissed a someone with a penis
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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