dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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