...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
