oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
