No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
