I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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