Ambien. No doubt about it.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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