4 words: hood of his car
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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