My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
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