I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize