let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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