There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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