I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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