I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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