around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
