Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
