if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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