If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
