There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
