she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
