chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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