Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I need a burrito and a hug.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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